first chill

 

in the past month we've had shorts weather, so humid you don't want to move weather, good day for a book and a cup of tea and watching the rain weather, and warm hat and jacket weather.  here in chester county this morning dawned brisk and a touch frosty in places.  it is nice in the sun but still windy and very fall-like.  things will stabilize a bit and return to normal for early october, but i, for one, am happy with the drop in temperature.  the air is clear and the breeze is chilling.  time to get out the down and fleece, the wool and boots.  finally, it is time to burrow under the comforter at night.

in one way, it has been a difficult month.  gorilla dog took her leave ten days or so ago, and already it feels like much longer than not even a couple of weeks.  we had known it was coming for some time now, but even that did nothing to lessen the blow of losing her.  i am not quite sure how i will make do, coming home from the hospital after a long day or bad news or lengthy stay, not having her scruffy fur to stick my face in to soak up the tears.  or her warm dogness wedged in next to me on the couch for a nap on a cold sunday afternoon.  i am wearing sweaters i haven't had out since the spring and each day i find her fur awaiting me.  i can't bring myself to brush it off.  as companions, dogs are difficult to beat.  they hold our deepest secrets and have an enviable hopefulness.  gorilla was "eternally hoping" for food to fall her way, or for a squirrel to get within reach, or for a fox to greet her on a morning walk.  we all laughed because of her.  i hope we provided as much joy for her as she did us, though i am not sure that is possible.

in another way, the month has been a good one.  i am feeling better than i have in a long time.  following the doctors' orders to cut back a bit has reaped rewards - i am sleeping better, i am less sore, i am not quite as tired, and i am enjoying my hobbies once again, not feeling like i "have" to do them.  as the days grow shorter i find more time for reading, baking, and working on some small art projects in addition to running a little bit and sticking with yoga and some crossfit.  and there's lots of time to daydream about skiing.

getting to spend time in the mountains was a highlight of the month, and a long weekend in northern new hampshire gave ample time for both exercise and relaxation.  i summited mt. washington for the first time, albeit under the power of a giant steam engine.  on a clear, cold morning we were able to see the atlantic from the top of the rock pile.  i think i could make the hike up, especially if staying in one of the huts near the top for the night before hiking back down again.   hiking up doublehead, the same mountain i hiked in july, i felt a lot stronger on this go-round and while we didn't have views at the top, we got out of the wind and for a while watched the clouds zip by below us.  i feel so fortunate to have these days.  as the end of the year draws closer, this one has been full of days that have provided me with lots to smile about.  while i still need work living in the moment, i set out this year to make up for the really bad days last year, the interminable ones of eating doritos, watching TV and napping, along with the ones i don't remember through the fog of trauma and anesthesia.  and i think, with three months to go, i have been successful so far.