A little bit of bad. A lot of good.

I had my latest round of scans yesterday and the good news is my chest remains clear of cancer.  The bad news is there is a 2 mm spot in the left front (though I can't really remember exactly where) of my brain that wasn't there two months ago.  It is not a microhemorage like the previous spots.  It is most likely a new tumor in its infancy.  The plan is to do another MRI in four weeks and if warranted at that time, I will need to have gamma knife radiation to that spot. In the meantime, Dr. Evans is going to fight for my continued enrollment in the Ariad trial, because the drug is obviously working well so far, in my body. 

A couple of things to note.  On a macro level, this is actually somewhat good news.  We know something is there and we know to watch it and we even know how to treat it.  I am completely asymptomatic and feel great and look great otherwise, which are strong indicators of overall health.  I am receiving care at one of the best hospitals in the country and their newest MRI machines see such detail, something like this may have been missed just a short time ago.  Perhaps we missed something like it in the past.  However, on a micro level, this feels like a crushing blow.  I endured the five worst weeks of my life last spring, having my head held down, immobilized, while radiation, at levels so unsafe no one else could be in the room when the linear accelerator was in operation, bombarded my head, causing me to see blue lights and smell chlorine.  It made my hair fall out, and it still has not grown back, a year and a half later.  I have wrestled with the compiled trauma since then.  Until today I felt like I was winning.

I'll take the day today to get my head around this, so to speak, and look forward to the good things I have waiting for me in the next four weeks.  A bike ride this weekend, a wedding the next, and the third weekend will mark my eight-year anniversary of the start of this adventure.  I am still here and I am still thriving, I know, regardless of this setback today.  I just got new running shoes and I'll put them to use tomorrow.  I am fortunate because I am still here, riding the roller coaster.  The lows are difficult but there are highs aplenty and the hope is this is yet another bump to navigate.