happy april

so.  april is here already.  after this weekend we've already reached the mid-point of the month.  the weather is changing.  the days are noticeably longer.  trees need just one or two more warm, sunny afternoons before their first flowers bloom.  i like all of this.  it feels like progress.

some people have asked what i did to celebrate my birthday.  i went to lunch with a friend, i had dinner with my family, and i had cupcakes and homemade pound cake with my coworkers.  i woke up and rode my bike - inside, but spinning for 34 minutes on my 34th birthday seemed to make sense with all those potholes out there.  all in all, it was quiet and i enjoyed everyone's company and gifts.  i am glad to wake up each day and last tuesday was no exception.  i think there will be room for a bit more celebration this weekend when i squeeze in a couple more ski days before the snow melts way up north.

i am very routine-driven and these little departures from the norm are something i look forward to and fear at the same time.  in the year since my exploits with my brain tumor and all that went along with it, i have slowly become comfortable enough to once again stray further from home.  it is incredible what just a bit of trauma will do to my psyche.  it is a constant challenge to stay present and away from worry, which is a direct result of the sudden onset of my symptoms and all the subsequent setbacks and treatments i had to go through.  with the coming of spring, though, i have sensed a quiet resolve resurfacing.  it is time to grow, time to clean house, and time to turn to the outdoors i love.  soon the sun will be warm enough to warrant bare feet and painted toes.  i will be able to put my winter hats away and trade them for my fedora and baseball hats.  as much as i like my routine i do enjoy the times of transition, like the one we are facing seasonally right now.  i'm infused with a new sense of hope - hope for great ski days this weekend, hope my scan goes well in another week, hope this medicine is working, hope i'll be warm again soon.