A good couple of weeks

It has been a good couple of weeks. I had been operating at a fairly high level of anxiety because of new developments with my back. I'm not accustomed to back/nerve pain and I started having this strange "buzzing" sensation in my tailbone when I flex my neck forward. It doesn't happen every time and seems to be exacerbated by exercise. Stretching really helps it. After dealing with it through my vacation at the lake and talking to my medical team as well as a couple of people in the know (physical therapist, another survivor) the general feel is this is probably not a tumor on my spine but is nerve related, maybe from radiation, maybe from inactivity and perhaps I damaged my back with all the sitting and sleeping in the past months. I am still not happy with not knowing exactly what is going on, and it is still happening plus I have some pain when I sit for a long time. So it will get dealt with, after a short trip to Siesta Key for some sun and heat. Of course every ache and pain now illicits a stress and anxiety response and I am dealing with that on a daily basis. Listening to music and shutting my eyes for a bit really helps.  

I attribute the goodness of the past weeks to the Livestrong Challenge and all the excitement that came with it.  This year I had quite the team, with local friends as well as ones from CA and CO. We did the run and the ride and both events really drove home how much my friends and Livestrong mean to me and to so many people. I was lucky to meet other survivors, including a lung cancer survivor from the Philly area and his family. I also met people from Livestrong and other cancer organizations whom I hope to stay in touch with in the coming year. I have said it before but this is the one weekend of the year when everyone knows what it is like to live with cancer, as a patient or a caregiver, and we don't even have to talk about it but when we do we can finish one another's sentences and hugs feel like novels, entire stories,passed between people. It is impossible not to leave with a full heart and new hope. 

I didn't do exactly what I set out to when I registered, but I was able to walk the 5K with Dad, something very meaningful for the two of us.  I was very proud of how far we had both come this year as we crossed the finish line. I was so happy to have him there beside me. I rode 20 miles but enjoyed all of it and was able to laugh and joke as we made our way along. I think I could have done more but it would have been a lot more work. This was pure fun and I was very happy just to be out on my bike on a pretty nice day. 

Following the Challenge weekend there was little room for a letdown because I was off to Avalon for our annual work trip. On the way I stopped and bought a new car, something I had promised myself the day my brain tumor manifest itself. I told myself if I survived long enough I'd get the car I've always wanted because life is too short to end up with a brain tumor when you're driving your second choice. I got a great deal and met some great people - no really, great car salesmen - and was happy to hop in my A3 TDI and head to the beach. It isn't the most luxurious Audi out there but I love it. And 600 miles to a tank of fuel is pretty awesome. 

Avalon is a special place, a never-never land of beautiful beach, kids riding bikes, and adults walking around barefoot. It was fun to see everyone and my favorite, to wake each day to the smell of salt air and the feel of being near the sea. Of all the places I go, being near the ocean really seems to heal. I could sit and watch the waves until the sun goes down and moon comes out, every day. And so I'm off to the beach again, this time down south. Travel takes me out of my routine, which is good and bad. I'll be happy to be there and smell the familiar smells of the condo, thinking of Grandmother, and making new memories with friends. Summer, somehow, is almost over, and I'm happy and sad to see it go.