normal-ish

this is the first sunday morning since january 13 i've spent in my own condo.  the music is on, i'm drinking tea, the washing machine is running, and i'm on the couch.  this is a comfortable space.  nothing matches, the few nice things i have are very nice and mean a lot, and the light is perfect.  the light, it streams in one set of windows in the morning and through the sliding doors in the afternoon.  the light is the reason i chose to live here. 

it is strange to come back and pick up where i left off - my big project for the winter, re-doing the extra room, will have to wait, since i've spent that money and more on surgery.  the dishwasher was full of the plates and bowls i received for christmas and used for less than two weeks.  clean?  dirty?  i washed them twice.  there is a new vanity in the bathroom, and the nozzle in the kitchen sink doesn't leak (thanks jeff!).  i've thrown away houseplants that died - ones i've tried to nurse for a year and i felt fine giving up on at this point.  out with the old. 

i feel that's what i'm trying to do, shake off the old, shake off the cold of the past three months, and wake up a bit.  it is hard, there are times when i can't even comprehend all that's happened, and all that hasn't.  the best i can do is go back to living life with the expectation everything's going to be alright for a while.  i knock wood.  afterall, it was alright for so long.  so why not?

yesterday was a great day.  i went to jim and colee's and hung out with colee as she made lunch for us and her dad, in town working on the nursery.  after lunch jim and i took the dog - jonesy, the best trained dog in pottstown - for a walk in a county park.  things are so green and fresh right now.  we disturbed a sunning snake, we both yelled.  we found lots of ticks, we got muddy feet and maybe a little sun.  it felt wonderful.  fresh air.  fresh life.  and all that dog fur all over the car.

i slept ten hours straight last night for the first time in a long time.  i just unfolded and slept like a rock after taking a shower in my own shower and with the new shampoo waiting, as it has been, since january, for my hair to grow back.  it will happen, who knows when, probably after my surgery, maybe in another three months i won't even look like i've gone through what i have.  we'll just have to wait and see, hopefully from a comfortable place.