snow envy

 gorilla built a nest the other morning - so warm and cozy

 trying to see the beauty in the grey february days

scar/hair update 2.8 - growing in nicely

so, as most of you who know me even remotely can imagine, i am suffering from a great deal of snow envy today.  as most of the northeast is being covered by a thick blanket of beautiful white, we here in southern chester county are being treated to yet another dreary grey/brown february day.  the only saving grace is the dampness that has descended, because otherwise it has been very dry and frankly, my skin and lungs are parched.  it is breezy outside, and the dog comes in full of mud, and right now as i type, it isn't even raining outside.  but somewhere, not too far away, the world is being painted a brilliant white that will reflect colors all night and when the sun comes out on the other side, the world will be just brilliant.  i feel as though i am holding my breath for the 1-2 inches we've been promised overnight.  le sigh.

the week has gone well.  i've pretty much succumbed to the steroids and their nuances.  i haven't accepted or welcomed them, but i am coexisting.  thanks to a serving of bedtime melatonin i sleep soundly from about 9:30 until 2:00 or so, when i realize i am not just going to roll over and go to sleep.  at this point i listen to some quiet music, just getting some rest.  then, i head downstairs for a cup of cocoa and a little snack (why not) and write thank you notes or watch some netflix tv.  i've just started "breaking bad" at the recommendation of pretty much everyone, and after a handful of episodes i am starting to get into it.  with five seasons to get through i think i have enough to outlive the decadron days, but we'll see, i am on it until at least 2/26, when i am slated to see my neurosurgeon.  i have another taper coming up tomorrow, so i will move to the lower dose.  i am nervous about this move because i worry about swelling happening, headaches, something going wrong and necessitating a return to the hospital, but i am also optimistic it will help my overall well-being.  i've been very jittery, nervous, and not myself and i look forward to coming down a bit.  

during the days a routine has established itself as well.  in the mornings breakfast is a nice time, i eat some oats and a couple of eggs, plus some yogurt and a banana smoothie, all spread out over an hour or so and usually broken up by a walk with dad and the dog.  it is great to stretch my legs and get fresh air, but i am amazed at how much of a workout it is to get around.  i am happy to get home and sit.  the rest of the morning includes maybe some reading, part of a movie, and of course, a snack.  steroids are making me grow, that's for sure.  some days i've gotten to escape for lunch, others visitors have come by to eat for an hour or so, and a couple days it has been me and a delicious sandwich and soup.  afternoons are my favorite, i sleep so soundly for a few hours' time with the dog snoozing next to me.  the sleep feels so rich and complete, it is the sleep i am used to having at night.  once the nap is over, i might do more reading, and usually there's an afternoon walk as well.

i have my first follow-up appointment next tuesday, with radiation oncology, and i am sure plans will start to manifest themselves but for the time being my official recovery from surgery lasts until the appointment with dr. o'rourke late in the month.  monday marks three weeks since my surgery and i know from my previous surgeries and pneumonia that is usually a nice corner to turn as far as feeling a bit better and maybe having a little more energy.  it is a challenge to remind myself i can't just move around and navigate as i usually do - something like getting a heavy soup pot out from under the stove is supposed to be off-limits, even things like accepting packages at the door become me asking the person to bring it in for me.  all to keep the brain swelling in its place, which is, hopefully, nowhere.

so, if you are having snow, enjoy it - the peace of watching it fall, the crunch under your feet, the silence that i'm sure will descend as night comes.  and if you're like me, not having it, well, be happy we won't be shoveling...