recovery

i came home from the hospital on june 14 - it was a beautiful evening and once i was finally settled, once i'd eaten a little bit, met with the visiting nurse to learn about my fancy antibiotic iv pump, once i'd changed clothes and washed my face, it felt wonderful to sink into bed and go to sleep without hearing the beeps of monitors or alarms of blood pressure cuffs.  i knew no one would disturb my sleep in the night with thermometers or pulse ox meters.  being home, though not at my condo but at mom and dad's, was the best place to be.  i felt like i could finally start healing.

it turns out my infection was a particularly nasty one.  after a few days early on when i was just being filled with every antibiotic they had to throw at me, the doctors had narrowed down my bug to one in particular, and i was left with one drug to fight it off with.  after a couple of days in the hospital on that drug, after a blood transfusion to boost my hemoglobin levels, i was finally given a long list of things to look out for and to take care of, and i was sent home. 

being home has certainly afforded many luxuries the hospital just cannot provide, such as edible food, a comfortable bed, and a dog following me around.  i like to sit in the back or front yard and enjoy the breeze or shade of the day.  going outside is certainly the biggest upgrade. 

my recovery has been slower than i had anticipated; i think i was a lot sicker than even i had come to realize.  four times a day my pump doses my zosyn (the antibiotic) over an hour's time and that is a reminder that while i'm home, i am still fighting this thing.  i still cough stuff up, though it isn't nearly as gross as before.  i am still sleeping a lot at night and napping during the day.  it is nearly four weeks since my bronchoscopy and i am finally feeling an occasional pang of hunger.  i am finally figuring out what i want to eat.  and frankly, i couldn't do this on my own.  the thought of doing laundry, changing sheets, grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning exhausts me.  i wish i was ready to head back to my own space, but i'm just not. 

i see a couple of doctors on wednesday and hopefully they will be able to shed some light on my recovery and let me know if it is going along as they'd expected or not.  my goal for the end of this week, two weeks since i came home from the hospital, is to get a bike here and set it up on the trainer so at least i can spin my legs for a few minutes each day.  it will do wonders for my psyche, which has been wrestling with the pace of things.  i know i should just sit back and let my body recuperate, but at times that is a hefty task when i think of everything that is going on around me.  i guess i should think about camping in the middle of nowhere and having nothing to do - something i love dearly.  perhaps i can change this into a little adventure, a quiet one at that.