the PET scan came back positive, the little spots in my lung were lighting up, though not brightly. so, the assumption is, they're cancer, but there's an outside (verrrrry outside) chance it isn't. we made a plan to stay on the xalkori for the time being, because maybe it is still doing good things for me. i'm sure it is. dr. evans told me to sit tight, basically, for a week until she had a chance to present my case to a panel of other lung folks - surgeons, radiation oncologists, pulmonologists. we'd see what they had to say, though things were pointing to some sort of biopsy to try to figure out what this is and what to do about it.
in the meantime, i visited squaw valley, ca, for the spring sales meeting - my 17th meeting. unreal. while there is a way it can feel like home after going two times a year, it is a small bit of home and after days of sitting in conference rooms eating mediocre food, i was ready to go home. i'd gotten a call from dr. evans on thursday morning, first thing, because they'd had their meeting the night before. the doctors all agreed a bronchoscopy was the way to go, to try to determine whether there's cancer in my lymph nodes. if there isn't cancer there, we'll discuss the chances of doing SRBT radiation, gamma knife, on the spots in the lung. if there is cancer in the nodes, we'll come up with, what is it now, plan M or N?
so, i met with a new (to me) pulmonologist last week, and he decided we're going to put me under completely for the procedure, because last time i started coming out of the "sleepy sedation" while the procedure was still going on, and because he doesn't know how long the doc will have to be in there. another doc is doing the procedure, he's done one on me before, but when i saw him i didn't have any recollection of ever meeting him. which just tells you my mental state after drugs and minor surgery. so, tuesday, that's what i'll be doing. i had a CT scan of my chest and x-ray of my foot and ankle (a whole other story - my right foot is swollen for no good reason and i already had a doppler ultrasound to rule out a blood clot; still no news on the foot front, other than it is less swollen than before but more swollen than usual) before leaving the hospital the other day. it is like a freaking party, being back to patient-land again.
i've been thinking about these lines from the poem "wild geese" lately:
tell me about despair, yours, and i will tell you mine.
meanwhile the world goes on.
meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
life continues on, moving on and on without stop. i go from real life to cancer life, but really, it is all just that, life.
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-Jeff Rangan