hope springs eternal

this is a garden i planted in memory of my friend jen.  i planted it at the cabin, in the new retaining wall, overlooking the backyard and the lake.  it is a very peaceful spot; in the future we hope to put some small furniture near it, outside grandpa's room, where we can sit and have some coffee in the morning or enjoy some shade in the afternoon.  when i bought the plants i was sure to choose ones that could survive a harsh wisconsin winter.  everything was guaranteed for a year and if it doesn't come back this spring we can replace it this summer.  but now that everything is turning green and growing again i am longing to know what the status of this little magical spot is - did the plants survive a not-so-bad winter?  are they healthy?  will they fill the air with their colorful blooms once again this july?  i will have to wait at least another month to know. 

it feels like i have been doing a lot of waiting lately.  mainly it stems from my scan coming up a week from tomorrow.  for a while i was sad about it, grieving the loss i felt when i no longer had a perfect scan.  it isn't the fear of a bad result that imparts this sadness upon me; it is the thought of having to return to life as a full-time patient that makes me grieve.  it has sent me to a quiet, pensive place for the past month or so.  that's not to say i haven't been enjoying myself, quite the contrary, i have been indulging in things i tend not to, especially when i am traveling.  i've been sitting in the sun and reading - jimnerd gave me a hammock chair for christmas and i was happy to hang it up and swing lazily on the porch a few times in the past week.  i've been cooking, making hearty, healthy soups and eating lots of fruit for dessert.  i've been sleeping well and riding my bike nearly every day.  all of these things point to the possibility of a better scan result than i am expecting.  i hope that is the case. 

spring is such a crazy time of year - one day it can be sunny and warm, shorts and t-shirt weather, and the next is windy and laden with clouds and drizzle, sweater and scarf weather.  while we need the rain and the clouds, i tend to enjoy the days like today - not too hot, fresh, clear air abounding, the smells of blossoms and pine straw baking in the sun.  on days like today it is easy to think of the garden and have faith it will be in all its splendor when i get to the lake in june.  i am hopeful it will.