fall

autumn has ushered itself in a few days early. i waited, holding my breath, anticipating its arrival. the day dawned and i was already on the road, watching the sun rise in a huge, orange globe over the pennsylvania/new jersey border. there isn't anything like the new jersey turnpike as another rush hour is born. the air was still and humid, and even at seven o'clock held warmth left over from the day before. i had listened to the weather, and it seemed hard to believe - rain and cold? we'll see.

sure enough, the rain came, and a bank of dark clouds followed it. i was on my way home, nearing valley forge, and i could feel the gusts shaking my car. i wondered what it felt like in a tractor trailer if my little car was catching the wind as it roared from the north. i arrived home and when i got out of the car i knew something had changed. my nose immediately began running. i needed a sweatshirt and a pair of cozy socks. as the sun painted the undersides of the clouds brilliant hues of orange and red i thought about the fact that soon enough, the trees will be matching those colors. soon enough, i'll be watching the sunset at six and not seven; five and not six.

fall leaves me a mess of emotions; i want to hang onto summer, the humidity, the warmth, for as long as i can. green grass and green trees - i feel as though there is little to worry about during the summer. the cooler, shorter days drive me inward, and while i enjoy the upside immensely - a re-found interest in cooking and baking hearty meals and desserts, the smell of fires in the fireplace, college football, and all my wonderful, warm sweaters - i do grieve for the lost time that summer offers. less seems to happen during the short days, right when so much needs to take place. it is a time of transition and i feel myself fighting it more this year than in the past. i want to keep hanging on, though i know i'll love all the future has to offer just as well.