another four one

here i am, not six months old, and already i am beginning to wonder just what i've gotten myself into.

i grew up in a house surrounded by a family and extended family and friends of family who loved me. as i looked through old photos last night, i took a mental note about all the people whose face was captured, looking at me, the baby, beaming with happiness. there's the baby at the annual memorial day family picnic, in her car seat, surrounded by grandparents, great grandparents, and cousins. there's the baby on grandpa's lap, getting her bottle. there's the baby sleeping next to her dad on what looked to be a summer afternoon. there's the baby scooped up in a tight hug by her mother. everyone is smiling. even in our sleep, we are smiling.

maybe all that smiling goes hand in hand with being the first baby in someone's life. but i'm not convinced that is the case. as i look through future albums, the smiles are all there, amplified, when my brother comes along a couple of years later. each recorded holiday, trip around the lake on the boat, or first day of school shows happy faces. people didn't capture every single frame of life in a photo back then; the snapshots carry a different quality - there is a diliberateness to many of them - and the space between them spans more time. things appear more fleeting. i'd say this wasn't long ago, but look at the calendar pages and it turns out 31 years have passed.

what a difference a year makes. this time last year i wasn't sure i would be around for this birthday; i spent the morning walking deserted beaches, watching the sun rise, and really wondered what the coming year would hold. i wasn't feeling well, and i wasn't sure what would happen. i am glad things worked out the way they did.

this year will be rung in differently. instead of tropical sunshine assailing my senses i'll be under roofs as spring plays an april fools' trick on us all with cold weather and rain or snow. but, i'll be happy to spend the evening listening to james taylor sing and play his guitar.

in addition to lots of smiling people, i can also say i spent my childhood surrounded by music. there was always something playing, and while i can't say our family is the most instrumentally-inclined, i can say i remember going to the library and watching mom pick out records to borrow each week. i remember the covers of albums like bruce springsteen's "born in the usa", u2's "the joshua tree", and crosby stills nash's "daylight again" like they are old friends. i know what the end of a record sounds like, and remember watching as mom or dad would clean the record before setting the needle on the other side. wherever we went, wherever we moved, there was always something playing through the speakers in the living room, or, sometimes, the headphones.

i know i am really fortunate to have such happy memories to look back through each year. my parents were very happy then, and i dare say they still are today. i was a happy baby, jimnerd was, too. i think we've turned out pretty well. we always laugh when the four of us share a meal or just a few moments together. i'm looking forward to this year and hoping that there are still many times to bring smiles to our faces, lots of songs to hear, and that we have a chance to see those around us smiling too.