it takes an army

for the first time in a long time i feel as though my body is telling the truth. i feel great. people tell me i look great. my scans from thursday showed no sign of metastatic disease in my abdomen and pelvis. there's nothing measurable in my chest. i know better than to think i've won some incredible lottery out of this mess. but i cannot deny the absolute enjoyment i have found in living my days lately. do not ever take for granted how unique and immensely fortunate you are to wake up in the morning and feel like yourself. after four years without that feeling there are days now when i have it again. i want to bottle it and save it for days in the future that might not go that way. i sit still at moments throughout each day and literally close my eyes and just feel. it is difficult to describe.

i ran a 5k this morning. it took me 32 minutes. i would have moved faster if my knee hadn't been bothering me. my knee. for once i am not bashing my lungs. my cancer. instead, it is my knee.

jim and colee ran it with me, along with my nurse practitioner, who waited for me near the line (she wasn't all that far ahead of me, really) so i could graciously snub her for a faster finish. mom and dad cheered from the sidelines despite the early morning cold. friends brought their family to run together. my oncologist and her family were there, too.

it meant so much to share the day with everyone. on one hand, my doctor and nurse know the disease in a much different way than most; they strive to understand how it works and want to find new ways to treat their patients with so many cocktails of toxic chemicals. they are the first ones to know any news - good or bad. and then they have to look me in the eye and tell me. they don't get to give good news often enough. my family has seen me at my absolute worst. i don't need to go into it. we balance the bad times with the good, and in our little family there is a lot of good; we laugh a lot, we spend a lot of time together, and we stick together no matter what happens. my friends have seen me down, and i have learned who i can have bad days around, and who will pick me up when i need it. i received an email on friday. it read, "get your skis ready!" these are the people i have in my life; they take care of me, look out for me, hope for me, and love. i know i am lucky to have each of them, and they have an entire web of family and friends supporting each of them. i am sure to count them all when i consider my blessings.