camp for grownups
warrior, bora bora and me kicking off our first day of climbing
warrior gives me a ride up a fun chimney on day two
mountain mama and me, above treeline - lung cancer in the sun and wind, how about it?
ducky, smiley and me after our multi-pitch day. great partners.
power lunchtwo weeks ago i spent a week at camp for grownups. complete with nicknames, communal sleeping rooms, sleeping bags, a camp doc, a camp granny, and evening campfires, it was the first sleep-over camp i've ever attended. thirty years old and it is a first as a camper. i did spend a summer working at a camp in northern wisconsin (love you mel) and it was pretty much never-never land, along with a never-never land paycheck consisting mostly of candy "stolen" from campers... but i digress.
camp for grownups. one catch, though. you have to be part of a special club to get to attend this camp. you have to have the distinction of being a cancer survivor at a young age. there are few perks to go along with a cancer diagnosis, but let me tell you, this was one of them. the folks at first descents really knows what they are doing when it comes to getting a group of young adult cancer survivors together. it made for a memorable week.
the people at camp had differing diagnoses, were at different points in and out of treatment, and came from all over the country. there were more women than men (perhaps ladies are more likely to want to get together and talk about their experiences? perhaps men are chickens when it comes to climbing?) and the age was skewed toward the mid-thirties with a couple of outliers on either end. i was nervous heading into the experience, wondering if anyone else would still be going through treatment, whether i was going to be in a group of people who were all healthy and on the mend, not sure what to expect. i was relieved to learn of all the different people there, and even happier that everyone was incredibly friendly and probably in the same boat as me - not sure what to expect. these are simple group dynamic issues i should have recalled from all those years as an outdoor educator, but somehow, when the tables were turned, i totally blanked on what we were all going through.
the climbing abilities of the group differed greatly, too. my main motivation for choosing the climbing camp over a white water camp is because (a) i don't love white water kayaking (b) cold water makes me cold and i hate being cold and (c) it was an enormous opportunity to do something i love to do but haven't done in a long time in a supportive environment. not once during the entire week was i struck with one of the panic attacks that typically hit me when i am outdoors doing things i loved to do before cancer. i still love these things in my heart, but there is some head/heart divide where it all gets fumbled around as i try to keep up with friends, apologizing the entire day away. i didn't have to apologize to anyone all week. everyone understood. i really, really loved being in the mountains.
we had a couple of days of top rope climbing, and i had fun busting my lungs as i made it up the various routes. a couple of them would be tougher than others, and one made my heart sing and tears of joy come because it was just so much fun to move through the series of motions that lead to the top. every hold felt like it had been placed there for me. aside from that favorite climb, i really just adored sitting back and watching friendships form. i loved watching people learn to climb. i think the trust that is inherent in climbing manifests itself so differently within groups of students, and i think in sharing our cancer diagnoses, we had already broken down a huge hurdle to trusting someone else - we all knew what it was like to have to lean on one another for things that seemed impossible.
another day we took a tour of rocky mountain national park. i am a huge dork for national parks and loved asking questions as we drove around. we stopped to sit near a waterfall and got to talk to one another for a while, soaking up some sun and listening to the water running behind us. we also got to hike up a small hill up above treeline. i was in heaven, happier than i have been in a long time, as i crested the hill and looked out into the distance. wind rushed around me, making my eyes water. i turned around and saw my new friend, another lung cancer survivor, coming up to meet us at the top. i joked later that day that if you put the two of us together you'd have a whole person, cardiovascularly speaking. really, though, there were two very strong, tough, determined, loving women up there that day. along with a bunch more equally inspiring people. it was my favorite part of the trip so far.
the last day we did a multi-pitch climb. the guides walked us through everything, and i was happy to be on a team with other strong climbers. we had a great time as we moved through four pitches, including a fun traverse and a frustrating (for me) dihedral section. we climbed on the sunny side of the rock and i loved basking in the warmth. it got cold once we reached the top, and the wind, but the day was such a memorable one, and i will carry it with me for a long time. it is yet another reminder of how much just a handful of people can accomlish when they put their minds to it.
at the end of camp we spent time offering prayers (to god, goddesses, anyone who would welcome them) to one another. it was a quiet, humbling time, and made me realize i didn't really want to leave the mountains the next day, and i didn't want to leave my new friends quite yet. i had been incredibly sad earlier in the trip, when i learned that my friend had passed away back home. i cried some big sobs that monday. sometimes i think i am capable of crying myself out. the rest of the week had been so happy, and each day i offered some part of it up for my friend, her family, and friends i had met along the journey with her. i was happy to be in the mountains on sunny days, doing something i loved to do, with people i loved to be with. i couldn't summon too many tears that last evening, but the feeling was there in my heart.
not all the talk at this camp was about cancer. sure, we compared notes, showed off scars, cracked jokes, and got serious every once in a while. but really, we just got to know one another. we all speak this language, so foreign to others yet perfectly normal to us - nothing has to be ammended or justified, and everyone understands. it sucks to be on this side of things, no one will deny that, but as long as we're here, it is utterly important to be here for one another and lean on each other. i'm glad i made some new friends that week. i'm glad i went.
i can't wait to be back in the mountains again.
camp for grownups. one catch, though. you have to be part of a special club to get to attend this camp. you have to have the distinction of being a cancer survivor at a young age. there are few perks to go along with a cancer diagnosis, but let me tell you, this was one of them. the folks at first descents really knows what they are doing when it comes to getting a group of young adult cancer survivors together. it made for a memorable week.
the people at camp had differing diagnoses, were at different points in and out of treatment, and came from all over the country. there were more women than men (perhaps ladies are more likely to want to get together and talk about their experiences? perhaps men are chickens when it comes to climbing?) and the age was skewed toward the mid-thirties with a couple of outliers on either end. i was nervous heading into the experience, wondering if anyone else would still be going through treatment, whether i was going to be in a group of people who were all healthy and on the mend, not sure what to expect. i was relieved to learn of all the different people there, and even happier that everyone was incredibly friendly and probably in the same boat as me - not sure what to expect. these are simple group dynamic issues i should have recalled from all those years as an outdoor educator, but somehow, when the tables were turned, i totally blanked on what we were all going through.
the climbing abilities of the group differed greatly, too. my main motivation for choosing the climbing camp over a white water camp is because (a) i don't love white water kayaking (b) cold water makes me cold and i hate being cold and (c) it was an enormous opportunity to do something i love to do but haven't done in a long time in a supportive environment. not once during the entire week was i struck with one of the panic attacks that typically hit me when i am outdoors doing things i loved to do before cancer. i still love these things in my heart, but there is some head/heart divide where it all gets fumbled around as i try to keep up with friends, apologizing the entire day away. i didn't have to apologize to anyone all week. everyone understood. i really, really loved being in the mountains.
we had a couple of days of top rope climbing, and i had fun busting my lungs as i made it up the various routes. a couple of them would be tougher than others, and one made my heart sing and tears of joy come because it was just so much fun to move through the series of motions that lead to the top. every hold felt like it had been placed there for me. aside from that favorite climb, i really just adored sitting back and watching friendships form. i loved watching people learn to climb. i think the trust that is inherent in climbing manifests itself so differently within groups of students, and i think in sharing our cancer diagnoses, we had already broken down a huge hurdle to trusting someone else - we all knew what it was like to have to lean on one another for things that seemed impossible.
another day we took a tour of rocky mountain national park. i am a huge dork for national parks and loved asking questions as we drove around. we stopped to sit near a waterfall and got to talk to one another for a while, soaking up some sun and listening to the water running behind us. we also got to hike up a small hill up above treeline. i was in heaven, happier than i have been in a long time, as i crested the hill and looked out into the distance. wind rushed around me, making my eyes water. i turned around and saw my new friend, another lung cancer survivor, coming up to meet us at the top. i joked later that day that if you put the two of us together you'd have a whole person, cardiovascularly speaking. really, though, there were two very strong, tough, determined, loving women up there that day. along with a bunch more equally inspiring people. it was my favorite part of the trip so far.
the last day we did a multi-pitch climb. the guides walked us through everything, and i was happy to be on a team with other strong climbers. we had a great time as we moved through four pitches, including a fun traverse and a frustrating (for me) dihedral section. we climbed on the sunny side of the rock and i loved basking in the warmth. it got cold once we reached the top, and the wind, but the day was such a memorable one, and i will carry it with me for a long time. it is yet another reminder of how much just a handful of people can accomlish when they put their minds to it.
at the end of camp we spent time offering prayers (to god, goddesses, anyone who would welcome them) to one another. it was a quiet, humbling time, and made me realize i didn't really want to leave the mountains the next day, and i didn't want to leave my new friends quite yet. i had been incredibly sad earlier in the trip, when i learned that my friend had passed away back home. i cried some big sobs that monday. sometimes i think i am capable of crying myself out. the rest of the week had been so happy, and each day i offered some part of it up for my friend, her family, and friends i had met along the journey with her. i was happy to be in the mountains on sunny days, doing something i loved to do, with people i loved to be with. i couldn't summon too many tears that last evening, but the feeling was there in my heart.
not all the talk at this camp was about cancer. sure, we compared notes, showed off scars, cracked jokes, and got serious every once in a while. but really, we just got to know one another. we all speak this language, so foreign to others yet perfectly normal to us - nothing has to be ammended or justified, and everyone understands. it sucks to be on this side of things, no one will deny that, but as long as we're here, it is utterly important to be here for one another and lean on each other. i'm glad i made some new friends that week. i'm glad i went.
i can't wait to be back in the mountains again.
Comments
so glad your lungs could still breathe the thin, cool mountain air.
keep being well,
m