spare ribs

on friday the doctors informed me i probably have cancer in my fifth and sixth ribs, this is to go along with what was already in my seventh.

this morning i rode my bike 50 miles.

i had to stop at 9am and take my magic pills. well, who knows if they are still magic.

the way i look at it, the rest of the CT scan seemed ok, no scary mets in any important places, and that is what i am going for these days. i can live with cancer in my ribs. it doesn't even hurt (yet). cancer in other places, well, that is a bad thing. i want my days. i want them so badly. the better i have felt in the past few months, the more hopeful i have become. i have a short list of things i want to do in the coming six months or so. six months doesn't seem like such an unreasonable time period to plan for. that gets me to february. it gets me to jimnerd's wedding, the thanksgiving table, shopping for the christmas tree, and into another year. i hadn't thought the cancer would make a move so soon. i should know by now not to underestimate my enemy.

it has been a week. a week of roller coaster emotions all pertaining to cancer world. everything is intertwined in it now. i cannot separate one part of life from another. i want to shout in defiance that everything is still okay. it is! it is! but not 100%. once again i ask myself, to no avail, what it is, exactly, that i should be doing. with my time here, with my life. there's little to do other than put my head down and keep going. i strive for a full life, full of my loved ones and beautiful views and delicious meals and music that makes me smile. i still hold these things in my grasp. i just don't want anyone to tell me it is time to let go.

with 50 miles under the wheels this morning i am still feeling myself. i didn't even stop for a mexican coke, i was feeling good and didn't need it. i'm going to take a nap and listen to the rain fall. i am rich, today.