water water everywhere

the gorilla had her homecoming yesterday. after nine days at the doggy hotel she came bursting through the door to greet me, completely excited and overwhelmed and ready to get the heck out of that place. i had planned ahead, picking up the truck to transport her home - there was just no way i was putting a mostly-white dog into my black-interior car just days after buying it. i'll wait at least a couple of months before doing that, or at least until i've made a sufficient mess of the place. gorilla leaped into the backseat and we took off for home. i'd picked her up a day early to be sure she was home when mom came back from the lake. turns out, she was lucky because she was in the comfort of her own home for a night full of thunderstorms and torrential rains. she spent most of the evening hiding out under the bed. i spent most of the evening trying to coax her out to play with me. but she is a persistent beast, if anything, and i was left to channel surf because come july, if the tour is on a rest day, i pretty much have no idea how to entertain myself. after a few hours i fell into a deep sleep. i woke around 3am to have a drink of water, and went right back to sleep. life is pretty much perfect with a dog and a good night's sleep.

my alarm went off around 7am and gorilla was beside the bed, stinky breath in my face, wagging her nubby tail. she was ready for a walk. nine days away and she hasn't forgotten the morning walk. "walk, walk, walk... walk, walk, walk" is her morning mantra until it is taken care of. as i put on some running clothes and stumbled downstairs, i heard the sound of the washing machine filling. in my still-sleepy stupor i thought this odd. i was the only person in the house. gorilla doesn't have clothes. she doesn't wake up and do laundry. for a second i was afraid. then i realized, no, the sound of rushing water, and i mean RUSHING, was coming from the basement.

oh, sh*t.

as i went down the stairs, i thought to myself, maybe the sump pump has failed and there's so much rain the basement is flooding, oh, that will be ok, i can figure this out. but the sound wasn't flooding, so much as it was a torrent of water. as i turned the corner and looked into the workshop, barely noticing the soaked carpet below my feet, i couldn't believe my eyes. i certainly uttered the f word a number of times. quietly, but firmly. i was staring at a pipe in the wall, throwing water six or eight feet across the basement. i had no idea how to stop it. i was mildly to moderately afraid of being electrocuted if i attempted to turn anything off. the pipe is right next to the fios system as well as the breaker box. i swore again. i went upstairs.

"walk, walk, walk... walk, walk, walk..."

gorilla was not going to be pleased. there was no time for walking. i threw her outside. i called the cabin and woke mom and dad. not the best morning greeting, for sure. "there's water rushing into the basement and i have no idea what to do, oh sh*t", i think that is how it went. after a couple of cursory questions, dad determined i needed to call jimnerd. and a plummer. in that order. so, i did. jimnerd had little to say other than he'd be there in 40 minutes. the plummer, on the other hand, offered his take on the situation, which was, i needed to call the water company because the main line into the house had broken inside the house and water was coming in at an alarming rate. the good news was, the sump pump was working. the bad news was i lacked the contact info for the water company.

a couple of fruitless phone calls later, i gave up and called the police. they rescue cats and stuff, they must be able to tell me how to get my water turned off. they had the number i needed, i called the water company, and they were on their way. i waited and waited. gorilla, however, grew increasingly impatient. i surveyed the scene again and figured we could go for a walk while waiting for the water guys. this would prove to be the highlight of the day. my low point had already been reached, but i was pretty sure it was only up from there. gorilla, however, would find herself locked in a small room with a vaccum, which is pretty much her own version of hell.

** as a side note, i had locked her in the den when the water guys came, because she doesn't really do well with strange men. she managed to knock over a pot of soil while she was in there. i let her back out when the men left, noticed the soil, and went to get the vaccum, but was sidetracked by phone calls and moving things, so i hadn't gotten to clean up by the time the plummer came. i, of course, put gorilla back into the den, put up the gate, and went to greet the plummer. when i came back to give her a dog treat in hopes of stopping her incessant barking, i laughed really hard as i realized she was keeping a wide berth around the terrifying vaccum, the most evil of all large, loud tools, and felt bad as i knew i had doomed her to spending time in a small room with a big vaccum. but then i laughed a little more, because she is so goofy. **

all this the morning after the kennel. worst homecoming ever.

so, long story short (or not), the water was turned off, we brought every last thing up from the basement (that wasn't too heavy or immoveable), we set things out to dry, and we waited for people to show. first came the plummer, who determined that a clamp had finally let go after thirty-plus years of maintaining the grip upon the main water line into the house. he installed a new fitting, it looks bombproof (i knock on wood), and gingerly turned the water back on. after a terrifying experience of letting the air out of all of the faucets and showers and toilets, things seem no worse for wear, except for the almost-brand-new-but-now-submerged carpet and maybe some drywall. professional-grade fans and dehumidifiers are in place and as long as they don't blow out the fuse, the place will hopefully be dry in a couple of days.

gorilla is really hoping she can get her walk tomorrow, otherwise she threatens to return to the kennel, where they know how to treat her with the respect she deserves.