lost in transition

as i sat on the plane home from boston this evening, i thought to myself about the past six weeks. i haven't stopped moving for more than a moment, it seems. boston, florida, boston, colorado, japan, boston... i am looking forward to some stillness in the coming weeks. i love my travels, i love the people i have seen there, but i am nearly salivating at the thought of doing some nesting.

tomorrow i will move into a new apartment. i listed this as one of my resolutions back in january. i wanted to get into my own space and spread out a little bit, take some deep breaths, and resume some sense of normalcy in my life. february 2 came along and kind of shot down the idea of a move for a while, but the promise of this new drug has given me a small bit of new hope. i have resolved to do it, mainly because i have known for some time now it would be a good thing for me - i have been looking for some manageable change in some aspect of my life, and this seems a safe way to do it. i have decided to deem it a success, even if it only lasts a couple of months before some other news comes along and sends me packing. i would like to think i'll make it through the year with lease intact; but really, i haven't planned something a year ahead of time since in roughly four years. my vision extends about six months, and that can sometimes seem like too far a stretch.

i'm glad the move comes on the tails of my trip to japan. there was something so peaceful amid the hustle and bustle and of the beautiful, crowded country. it was a living, breathing example of my mantra from the days of my surgery - to find peace amongst the noise and confusion. to be calm in my heart despite it all. there were people everywhere, cars, bicycles, trains, and trucks. flashing lights at all hours of the day. constant chirping of crosswalk signals. smells of strange foods, some good, some not. cell phone talkers, subway announcements, and sales people. all of my senses were being jolted by input at all times. and then, i'd turn a corner or look down a side street, and there would be something simple and calm. a florist's store opening in the morning. a man walking his dog. a woman kissing her kids goodbye. some potted plants on a balcony. an entire garden of green. a silent temple.

i loved the contrasts because they resonated so strongly with my life in the past years. despite the noise and confusion that at some times can seem overwhelming, i have enjoyed so many happy times, so many incredible places, and am lucky to have such loyal and strong friends. while there were moments when i had no idea what was going on, what i had agreed to or asked for, or where i was headed, in japan, like in life, i ended up in the right spot for any number of reasons.

i'm lucky to have had the chance to travel halfway around the world and explore a bit of an amazing place. i hope to go back for a closer look one day. but not this month. for now, i am taking a break.