it finally turned really cold here this week; each night i lay in my bed and listened to the wind against the windows as gorilla snuggled up next to me, both out of fear and a need to be warmer. my favorite thing about really cold days is they usually bring with them a startling, beautiful clarity. i can see details on trees hundreds of yards away. the feathers on the downy woodpecker's head stand out in stark contrast with the grey tree branches and maroon berries. each individual blade of grass quakes in the breeze.i've been watching it all this week from the comfort of my couch or bed. chemo on tuesday hit me hard and i couldn't keep my eyes open for long stretches of time. my appetite disappeared, and it didn't really matter since any time i filled my stomach i was left feeling unsatisfied and uncomfortable. so, instead of all the things i could be doing, i sleep. and i look out the window.
the last of the snow melted, the river flooded as did the creek behind the houses across the street. some crows harassed a red-tailed hawk and the turkey vultures performed acrobatics on the updrafts. the dog chased some squirrels, the dog slept on my feet, the dog begged for a snack. cars drove by, to and fro with their commutes. the days continue to grow shorter, but not for long.
many people complain about the cold. i've taken to dressing in as many layers as possible so i don't complain. because i like what the cold allows me to see. just like chemo, it reminds me to slow down and be in awe of just how pretty things are. it can be a nice feeling.
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