in my belly

i've been eating really well lately. maybe not really healthy. but really well. saturday morning we had waffles made from scratch. rotten layered some bacon in between chunks of waffle and maple syrup. saturday night we made mashed-potato stuffed poblanos, served with cheddah cheese melted on top. we hors d'oeuvered on homemade salsa, made on the fly, whilst the peppers roasted in their red wine vinegar marinade. for mother's day i marinated some hormone-free, cage-free, hopefully happy chicken in a homemade citrus drink, and made kabobs with tomatoes, pineapple, peppers, and squash. jimnerd made an incredible salad with fennel, dried apples, and homemade dressing. we finished things off with my first pie of the season, a strawberry rhubarb one with rhubarb from the farmers' market, and whole wheat crust that was, if i can say so myself, just about perfect. tonight i whipped up some turkey chili.

i love having time to cook and bake. other things, like cleaning, fall by the wayside, but cooking makes me intensely happy. i enjoy knowing what i am putting in my body. i enjoy learning how different flavors meld together in a dish. i enjoy seeing my loved ones smiling because of my food.

i liked cooking before i was sick, but it wasn't at the top of my list of things to do. now, i like the challenge, i like the sense of accomplishment, and i love the raw materials - the fresh chives in the sun at the farmers' market, the crunch of the rhubarb under my knife, the smell of the garlic as it hits the oil in the pan.

there was a stretch of time when i couldn't even be in the kitchen because the smells overwhelmed my sense of smell and made me sick. i would linger on the couch in the other room as something was prepared in the kitchen, something most likely bland and hopefully calorie and vitamin laden. i'm glad those days are over. they really took something away from my life. i mean, it is nice to lay around and be served each meal, but it isn't fun when you don't want to sit with anyone else when you're eating because you can't stand to look at that much food. it is miserable when food makes you cry. and trust me, i've cried at many more a plate than i care to admit.

so, maybe that is why i love cooking so much these days, why i find so much happiness in food. it brings people together and makes life richer despite the circumstances fluttering around us. it is a simple necessity and it makes me whole.