searching for PETs

i love butterfly needles. i didn't even feel this one go in. but i felt the nice, cold radioactive glucose fill the veins of my arm. something about an injection that comes with a lead protective case is so reassuring.

the sign to the left of the picture on the wall says "do not eat, drink or apply cosmetics in this area". it is under a sign that features a giant biohazard symbol along with a giant radiation symbol. so you can tell this is a great place to be hanging out. nevermind the fact they are OK with me drinking my barium milkshake next to one of those signs. ah, nuclear medicine.

today was scan day. call me crazy but i didn't even have a single butterfly in my stomach. not even a moth or a house fly, either. and, thanks to the efficiency of the match-made-in-heaven of the nuclear medicine department and someone's insurance company, i had two extra hours to wait for my injection and scan. two hours! i could have been sleeping in the comfort of my own bed. i could have been taking the dog for a walk. i could have been eating a big breakfast - no, just kidding, no food for six hours before the scan. so, having not eaten in twelve hours, i was a real ball of fire sitting in the waiting room. and then, AND THEN, a show about barbecuing came on the television. are you kidding me? i don't even LIKE bbq and still, i was mesmerized by the images on the screen. i could smell the sandwiches they were showing off. i could taste the different sauces. food shows should not be allowed on waiting room televisions.

so, once i was called to the super secret scan prep area everything went smoothly. i received a hole in my left arm, through which some blood came out (with a blood sugar level of 75) and some radioactive sugar went in, and then i sat still for an hour and slept a bit. i woke up and moved to the scanner, where i got to lie with my arms above my head for 45 minutes while my insides were photographed, from my head to my knees. i've been having this strange pain in the knuckle of my big toe for a day now, and i kind of wanted them to take a picture of that, too, just to be sure, but if i have cancer in the knuckle of my big toe maybe i was destined for failure from the get-go. so anyway, i fell soundly, solidly asleep, as did my arms. when you lie with your arms above your head for 45 minutes, blood doesn't get to them, so they go numb, and when you wake up and have to put on your jacket it is a hilarious and frightening feeling of having arms made of rubber. you can control them, but you can't feel them.

by this point it had been approximately sixteen hours since my last morsel of food. there's nothing like an oatmeal cookie and a bottle of orange juice to spike your blood sugar after not eating, trust me.

now i sit back and wait for a phone call. i think the butterflies will hit when i see the "215" area code on my phone in a day or two. i might projectile vomit.


ps. today, in honor of earth day, i wore my recycled adidas. hippy.