i stole the photo from a blog written by someone who was recently diagnosed with stage IIA lung cancer. he was smoking cigarettes up until the day his CT scan came back with questionable lesions fouling up his lung. is it wrong of me to have a hard time finding compassion for a smoker who ended up with lung cancer?
i wrestle with this on a regular basis. i'm not a mean person. i wouldn't wish cancer on anyone. i'd wish it away from everyone, if i could. but the smokers, they make me think twice.
cancer is a bad, bad thing, no matter who you are, what age you are, what type you have, what kind of insurance you have... the list goes on and on. in some cases (mine) you are diagnosed at a stage that is often considered "too late" but there's still a (small - less than 25% chance) hope of being cured through a number of drug infusions, surgery, and radiation. there are also cases (the smoker's) where you might be told "you'll beat this one easily".
so me, the never-smoker, ends up with the more difficult prognosis and here i am still on the adventure two and a half years later.
does he get to have surgery, maybe some drugs, and be done with it?
can i find it in myself to bury the jealousy - can you believe it, cancer jealousy?! - and see that his lung cancer is just as scary an experience?
sure.
i just wish, sometimes, i could put a cigarette out in the lungs of every smoker i see.
give them some chemo brain and tell them to run a 5k breathing through a straw.
take away their fingers so they can't hold a cigarette.
they took away part of my lung and now i have problems at altitude that i never had before. among other things.
so, compassion. i have it, deep in there. buried under the baggage of the "why me?" i try so hard not to ask because there just isn't an answer.
Comments
I've always thought you were a good writer. Your ability to express yourself(especially after the cancer came back) about having this disease has been amazing. But I think this posting should be published in a broader arena than just your blog--maybe it would make one of those smokers really think about what is happening inside his/her body.
I don't know why you've been given this road in life, but I do know you have a gift of expression that could help many.
Take care,
Libby
I've always thought you were a good writer. Your ability to express yourself(especially after the cancer came back) about having this disease has been amazing. But I think this posting should be published in a broader arena than just your blog--maybe it would make one of those smokers really think about what is happening inside his/her body.
I don't know why you've been given this road in life, but I do know you have a gift of expression that could help many.
Take care,
Libby
Adam S. put your post in my google reader (he's an online friend from a group project...I understand you know him face to face).
Your post has definitely had an impact on me all morning and I've been wondering about it as I filled out forms at the hospital.
Adam suggested I post a history of my alcoholism/addiction (18 yrs. sober) as follow-up on how I got to where I am today.
I have a question for you: why is it that the Universe has arranged for us to cross paths through Adam? What is it we are supposed to do with this set of circumstances?
I wrestle with those same thoughts every single day. I find anger building in me every time one of my family members puffs on a cig and discusses the "stress" in their life. I think of you and the ways you've always shown love to your body. Each time she takes a puff I feel loathing build in my heart. Honest. I don't know the answer. Someone said to me it isn't our place to know the reason why or to make sense of it and that I need to let that go. I don't know if I'm able to follow the Tao that well frankly. So I guess I'm saying that I wanted you to know that though I am not walking in your shoes I do share your thoughts on this matter.
Thank you for posting this.
Hugs,
PL