i took a round of beginner yoga classes in the summer following my radiation treatments as a way to regain control of my breathing and work on gently stretching my tender right side after surgery. by the end of ten weeks i could take deep breaths that seemed no different than my pre-cancer breaths - long, uninterrupted by coughing, refreshing - and i had actually had some feeling come back into the swath of my side where the nerves had been cut through. on top of it, every week after going i felt a lightness of being that i really had never experienced before. i tend to carry all my stress, and probably enough stress for two or three others, in my shoulders and hips. much of the yoga we were practicing is designed to free the body of stress, through breathing and poses. when i took the time to concentrate on getting rid of the stress, i felt like a new person. coupled with my sense of being "cancer free" and with the feeling of accomplishment i had after the previous seven months' treatments, my intro to yoga could only be deemed a success. i figured i would start going to a regular class in the fall.
well, it only took a year, but about a month ago i finally went back. i needed to get rid of my stress again, because it had been building and building and my half-hearted attempts to do it myself weren't helping much. i need structure, i love structure, and as much as i love pushing my body by running or cycling, i saw the necessity for time specifically devoted to de-tuning my body. on top of the everyday trials and tribulations, i have literally been poisoning myself every three weeks for nine months now. chemo might work wonders against cancer, but it can damage the body in countless other ways. the reasons for going back to yoga were mounting. i started going to a gentle class. my body doesn't need any more in the way of workouts. it needs the opposite.
so when i went back, we ran through some introductions, and i felt the need to mention what i had been through and what i am going through, mainly because there are obviously some small concerns when doing anything physical and any teacher should probably know about it, but also because the class is small and i am very sensitive to the fact i cough a lot and i don't want people thinking i am some coughing crusader coming in to distract them from their yoga practice. if anything, it has been a good thing to be open with, because a couple of other people in the class expressed interest in working more on breathing and meditation, two things i was hoping to get out of my practice.
tonight we did a fifteen minute meditation. i am the first to admit that (a) there was once a time when i thought this all to be a crock of shit and (b) i need way more meditation in my life than i currently devote time to now that i know (c) it isn't at all what i thought it to be. forcing myself, and more importantly, my thoughts, to be still and calm is something that is hard to learn and even harder to implement for one minute, let alone fifteen. but tonight, i did it. i focused on my place that i go, which is actually where i pictured myself when i had to lie on the table for radiation treatments. i picture myself at the lake, in the evening, on the dock, swallows swooping and singing, loons floating around, neighbors wandering to and from docks, light coming from the window in the family room with the slider chairs in it, maybe the faint sound of the radio in the kitchen, the smell of cut grass and lake water... i went there and was completely there for those minutes. when i opened my eyes at the end of the practice i was shocked to be in the yoga studio. i loved it. i hope i can do it again next time.
i took a round of beginner yoga classes in the summer following my radiation treatments as a way to regain control of my breathing and work on gently stretching my tender right side after surgery. by the end of ten weeks i could take deep breaths that seemed no different than my pre-cancer breaths - long, uninterrupted by coughing, refreshing - and i had actually had some feeling come back into the swath of my side where the nerves had been cut through. on top of it, every week after going i felt a lightness of being that i really had never experienced before. i tend to carry all my stress, and probably enough stress for two or three others, in my shoulders and hips. much of the yoga we were practicing is designed to free the body of stress, through breathing and poses. when i took the time to concentrate on getting rid of the stress, i felt like a new person. coupled with my sense of being "cancer free" and with the feeling of accomplishment i had after the previous seven months' treatments, my intro to yoga could only be deemed a success. i figured i would start going to a regular class in the fall.
well, it only took a year, but about a month ago i finally went back. i needed to get rid of my stress again, because it had been building and building and my half-hearted attempts to do it myself weren't helping much. i need structure, i love structure, and as much as i love pushing my body by running or cycling, i saw the necessity for time specifically devoted to de-tuning my body. on top of the everyday trials and tribulations, i have literally been poisoning myself every three weeks for nine months now. chemo might work wonders against cancer, but it can damage the body in countless other ways. the reasons for going back to yoga were mounting. i started going to a gentle class. my body doesn't need any more in the way of workouts. it needs the opposite.
so when i went back, we ran through some introductions, and i felt the need to mention what i had been through and what i am going through, mainly because there are obviously some small concerns when doing anything physical and any teacher should probably know about it, but also because the class is small and i am very sensitive to the fact i cough a lot and i don't want people thinking i am some coughing crusader coming in to distract them from their yoga practice. if anything, it has been a good thing to be open with, because a couple of other people in the class expressed interest in working more on breathing and meditation, two things i was hoping to get out of my practice.
tonight we did a fifteen minute meditation. i am the first to admit that (a) there was once a time when i thought this all to be a crock of shit and (b) i need way more meditation in my life than i currently devote time to now that i know (c) it isn't at all what i thought it to be. forcing myself, and more importantly, my thoughts, to be still and calm is something that is hard to learn and even harder to implement for one minute, let alone fifteen. but tonight, i did it. i focused on my place that i go, which is actually where i pictured myself when i had to lie on the table for radiation treatments. i picture myself at the lake, in the evening, on the dock, swallows swooping and singing, loons floating around, neighbors wandering to and from docks, light coming from the window in the family room with the slider chairs in it, maybe the faint sound of the radio in the kitchen, the smell of cut grass and lake water... i went there and was completely there for those minutes. when i opened my eyes at the end of the practice i was shocked to be in the yoga studio. i loved it. i hope i can do it again next time.
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Aunt Kathy D.