virginny mountains

on saturday i packed up my chemo hangover and headed to the shenandoah mountains of virginia along with rotten and a handful of other henry's faithful for the shenandoah mountain 100.  rotten, having put in his time on the charity circuit the week prior, was finally going to get his chance to take on the challenge he adopted early in the season this spring/summer.  he was going to race/ride his mountain bike 100 miles on a mix of single track and fire roads through the mountains along with a bunch (500+) of other crazies.  

i hadn't been in the shenandoahs since bayen, adam, and i went backpacking there the summer after our senior year of high school.  the drive to the heart of the mountains brought back memories of my second major backpacking adventure - toiling up old rag in ridiculous august heat, sitting in the middle of a stream to eat a pasta dinner, sitting crammed in the back of a geo for five hours on the way home... it was amazing to think that was ten years ago already.  it seemed believable and not at all at once.  

we drove further west than the national park, to the edge of the jefferson national forest, to stokesville, where a camp of more than 500 riders, support staff, volunteers, and dogs had assembled.  the henry's compound set up camp in an open field surrounded by other tents.  i finally witnessed for myself the awe inspiring, taj-majal-like road setup orchestrated by the seasoned veterans of many cross and mountain bike races, and our camp was the talk of at least part of the town, with the airstream trailer and pop up tent housing unthinkable conveniences such as a refrigerator, microwave/convection oven, and outdoor shower with hot (!) water.  having spent a number of summers living in a tent, i couldn't believe my surroundings and wondered to myself why i had been roughing it all those years.  don't get me wrong, though, i still opted to sleep in the tent on my thermarest, which is where i usually get the best sleep of the year.

it is tough to sit on the sidelines and watch all the action going on around me at events like this one.  as everyone kitted up for a warmup ride, i wished i was heading out, too, but in reality, i was lagging behind even more than usual thanks to last week's round of drugs, and was happy to sit still and rest my eyes, despite the pangs of jealousy in my stomach.  as everyone packed up their drop bags and fretted over this and that, i wished i was doing the same, between bouts of light nausea brought on by the burned-ish red sauce i'd had on my pasta for dinner.  we all shared in the misery of our neighbors' barking dog, tj, through the night, and a rousing midnight call to arms of firecrackers and heckletron sirens.  i needed my rest almost as badly as the racers did.

on sunday the wake up came at 5am and i lied in bed a little while longer, listening to breakfast conversation and smelling the bacon the team was loading up on for the ride.  with about twenty minutes to go before the start everyone miraculously went from nervously lounging to being completely kitted up, and they all rode off to the start before i could hurry after them.  500 people starting a mountain bike race just as the sun comes up is an amazing thing to witness.  i was nervous and excited for everyone as the waiting came to a breaking point and the crowd took off down the hill and around the corner and ... into a brief bottleneck before disappearing down the road.  camp was suddenly silent except for tj (still barking) and a couple of late-risers hustling off to join the mayhem.  

originally i had hopes of helping at an aid station for the day, but with the lack of sleep on saturday night coupled with a still-unsettled stomach and painful rash on my face (from the alimta, i think) i opted to just lay low in camp for the day.  i drifted back to sleep for the cool hours of the morning (while rotten and company were already busting their butts up a couple of climbs) and then went for a short walk around the site, finally returning to do some reading and relaxing.  honestly, i hate to say it in front of the tired riders from the weekend, but it was kind of nice - like a day at the beach without the beach.  when the finishers began arriving home in earnest i went to the finish line to watch, and just vegged out and said hello to a handful of folks i haven't seen in a while.  i was feeling a lot better at the end of the day than at the start, so the rest paid off.  i've learned my lessons as a patient - better to not push and overdo it (i end up a tired, crying mess) and take another day if i need it.  endlessly trying to listen to my body tell me things i don't really want to hear but know i have to take to heart...

the highlight of my day was getting to see everyone finish their big rides.  most of the crew crossed the line smiling, but tired.  rotten got me all choked up as he finished, looking as fresh as someone can after 100 miles of mountain biking, still excited and happy about the day.  while i have no idea what the ride was really like, i know it was a big undertaking and i was relieved to see his smile, albeit covered in mud and salt.

sunday night was a different story around camp, and everyone drifted to sleep without too much noise or distraction.  even tj the dog shut up for a while.  i can only imagine how everyone felt sleeping on the ground after riding that far, but in the morning the creaking and aching of getting out of bed was rewarded with a beautiful sunrise over the mountains and crisp, cool air.

after a rousing breakfast at ihop we were on the road and heading back to home.  i loved sitting and listening to the boys talk about the ride, rehashing different sections of the race, agreeing on some items, disagreeing on others, and of course making fun of each other.  it really is the best part of a big ride or race, being able to talk to others about it afterwards.  i so rarely get the chance to do it anymore myself that merely listening to them talk about it made me happy.  i am getting better about living vicariously through others, i guess.

now, back to reality today.  a toothache manifested itself last thursday and it grew worse over the weekend, so i headed to the dentist to have it checked out; he can't find anything wrong with the tooth.  apparently the nerves in the tooth behind it are shot (thanks to a filling from about 10 years ago) but this tooth looks healthy and strong on x-rays.  after a lot of poking and painful prodding i was told to rinse with salt water and hope it stops hurting.  otherwise i'll have to call a root canal specialist later this week.  this is all loads of fun because i can't take anti-inflammatory drugs like advil.  so i am trying really hard not to chew or bite down on the right side of my mouth.  easier said than done.

i just got in from my first ride since the 100 and i certainly feel like i took some drugs last week.  it is good to get the legs spinning again, and the blood pumping (at 160 bpm) so next time i won't feel so stale.  the weather is fantastic and while it is still summer out there, in the shady hollows it is smelling more and more like fall.  this just might be my most favorite time of the year.

it is tough to do it at sometimes, and this weekend as i watched all the fit people around me through my eyes set in my chemo-surgery-radiation-chemo-war-torn body, i couldn't help but wonder how this is going to feel, how long will this go on, do i get a break or a respite or is life for me just going to be lived three weeks at a time... three weeks after three weeks of drug, recover, thrive, reset, drug, recover, thrive, reset... it gets repetitive and with the tiredness, the appetite changes, the rashes... it all seems a bit like the circus came to town and won't let me go home.  this time around i am finding myself laughing at it... and i know it can easily change the next time i feel the pressures of the repetitive cycle.  but the fact i can look at it and laugh is a good development for me.  i've done plenty of crying in the past two years.  wah.