suburban coffee soccer mom SUV land

SUV-land photo borrowed from google images

this morning i decided to reward myself for surviving another week with a nice toasty bagel and some decaf coffee. this, of course, replaces my usual morning fare of cereal with soymilk and a vitamin-c filled orange juice. i am pretty sure i can trick my body into thinking it has had a full serving of caffeine just by drinking the decaf. at least it makes a cloudy, dreary day that much better.

i took some backroads on my way to the coffee shop, bypassing the downtown, college-kid-laden branch for the usually-quiter, less crowded, more suburban option. as i made a left hand turn near a private school, the roads were crawling with SUVs being driven by soccer moms. big, fancy, ridiculous SUVs - you know, the lexuses and escalades of the worlds - all due apologies if i've offended anyone, but maybe you should think seriously about whether all that ... "car" ... is really necessary. almost all of them on cell phones, they were turning left and right out of the school entrance and taking over the streets like an invasion of a dirty kitchen by an army of cockroaches. gross. i know.

i continued on to the coffee shop, and turned into a parking spot nestled between two SUVs. i don't pretend to think the subi is the most compact car on the planet (nor the most gas-sensible) but it was swallowed by these bohemouths. as i walked to the shop, i noticed i could barely see my bike on top of my car from behind the monster i'd parked next to.

inside, i found a long line of soccer moms. the worth of the wardrobes of these ladies, who had apparently all met up for a cup of coffee of their own, easily surpassed the combined value of my subi and bike. the line moved up, and the few businessmen who had stoppped in for their morning fix filed out of the shop. i found myself in the on-deck spot, behind one of the moms, who was loudly, without a please or a thank you, ordering her mocha-latte-skinny-cappuccino-whipped cream (i kid you not - skim milk but with whipped cream) drink and something for her friend, a regular coffee. said friend walked in the door - maybe she had some difficulty manuvering her whale of a car into an average-sized parking space - and mom in front of me yells across my face, and three other patient customers - "i got you a regular coffee... you know, just a regular coffee". walking in the door mom "just wants decaf", which i know because she yelled it right back.

i felt like i was in the twilight zone.

finally, i ordered my whole wheat bagel with just a little cream cheese and decaf to go please and thank you. i had my card punched - free coffee next time! - and stepped out of the way to wait for my bagel to toast.

these soccer moms, probably four or five of them, were some of the loudest people i've seen in a coffee shop in a long time. then a couple cut back in line to have drinks refilled. cut in line! and still not a please or thank you out of the bunch! just mild annoyance with the obviously new guy behind the cash register. amazing.

i was so happy to get my bagel and get out of there. i couldn't believe my quiet stop for morning sustinence had turned into one of my most uncomfortable day-mares.

i smiled at my faded-paint-door-dinged-bike-topped car and got in. i carefully backed out of the spot - i couldn't see past the SUV monsters' tail ends - and went on my way. note to self: avoid coffee shop on fridays. maybe thursdays are a better day for treats and avoiding the entitled ladies of suburban delaware.

maybe it is the rain that's turned me salty today. but it was just too much.