space and time

following last tuesday's excitement, iv's of toxic substances, and even a shot of b12, i had a fairly normal wednesday before succumbing to the usual lethargy and subsequent slumber of thursday and friday of treatment week. the nice thing is that the worst of it only lasts two days, which is nothing compared to the days on end i went through last fall, last spring, and this spring with the carboplatin. personally, i've come to terms with feeling down those two days. i hate the feeling, the one where this is the only thing that makes me feel sick, this is it, and it is the drugs, not the cancer doing it. but i like the sleeping. i still get frustrated and a little down in the dumps, but it is part of life now. like getting a haircut, cutting my toenails, or paying my bills - necessary evil.

since sunday i feel as though life has suddenly picked up its pace and without knowing it was coming, there i go with it. kind of like catching a wave at the beach, only it is one you weren't looking for, there you go up, up, over the lip, and along toward the shore and suddenly you're sitting on the sand and shaking jellyfish parts from your head.

headlong into chaos.

nothing too serious, really. just long days, which actually feel kind of rewarding because when i'm busy the time flies and things get done. no naps, which is ridiculous. i can feel the tired seeping in, which is why i sat down in bed about 45 minutes ago and i estimate i'll be asleep in 15 more. bike riding, which is feeling good and fun and while i'm glad the ride isn't this weekend, i'm equal parts looking forward to it and fearing the hills. it feels really good to put my feet up at the end of the day and realize i had a pretty normal day not thinking too much at all about the cancer. those days are good ones, even if they are busy and not full of everything i'd rather be doing.

the chaos used to be such a big part of my life; it is nice to visit but i'm looking forward to more of the routine coming back into the picture next week. famous last words... one day at a time...