silence

in the few moments i had to spare before turning the tv on to watch "long way down" tonight - my weekly helping of adventure, foreign countries, and of course, ewan macgregor on a sweet motorbike - i flipped on the interweb to check on the google reader to see what news was fit to print at the close of this beautiful saturday.

i immediately saw a post from "my cancer", and my heart fell. there is never a post on the weekend.

i reluctantly read the headline and at the end of the line all i could make out was "dear friends: i'm" and the headline ended. i clicked on it to reveal the entire post.

leroy passed away last night.

my heart hurts.

i hate cancer. i hate that it takes loved ones away from their families and friends. i hate it so much, with every ounce of my being.

in this case, it silenced a spectacular voice with a penchant for humor and not cutting any corners.

i wish leroy never had to write about his cancer in the first place. but he did, and in doing so put into words the feelings, fears, expectations, hopes, and even jokes, that only a survivor or caretaker can understand. it was like having a friend who knew exactly what i was going through. i shared each of my mornings with him, sometimes crying, sometimes laughing, but always saying to myself "that's exactly what i was thinking" or "i couldn't say it better". i will miss those moments and his words. my heart goes out to laurie.

ciao, leroy. thank you.