deep breath now

as i was sitting here watching versus' playback of paris-roubaix (why they couldn't air it last sunday is beyond me) my nose suddenly burst into a bloody mess. the unexplained nosebleed is something that is always a little unsettling. i know the chemo is causing it, and paired with the dry air and pollen count, a simple itch of the nose can create a big mess. in some ways i've become that kid from elementary school who walked around with a kleenex at the ready. all it takes is a couple of tell tale drips down either the back of my throat or under my nose and i swing into action, trying to stave it off while continuing whatever it was i was doing - in this case, boonen-watching and reader-reading. this one was a little more bleed-y than others and it took a more concerted effort to get it to stop. i love the nuances of cancer battle.

in any event, i hope it is not indicative of how the balance of the week will play out; it will be busy at work - my first busy stretch since learning i was sick again - and i worry about getting my rest and keeping my sanity. in addition, my radiation oncologist has introduced a motion to begin some radiation and sometime i need to take the time to contact my medical oncologist to discuss the pros/cons (killing more cancer/bleeding to death) of it and make sure we're all on the same page. the radiation oncology people are very helpful in scheduling appointments necessary to moving foward with their plan (PET scan, MRI) but neglect to recall that I am going to be, quite conveniently, out of the country on one of the days they've scheduled their tests for. thismakes finding brain mets infinitesimally more difficult, in case you are keeping score.

all in all this round of chemo hangover has been par for the course. my stomach agreed to digest all that i introduced to it, and my body stayed in one piece, for the most part. yesterday i was reduced to feeling like a toxic waste dump; my joints ached, my bones hurt, my gums felt as though they were inclined to release my teeth if given the chance, and my head swam in a sea of dull confusion whenever i attempted to read or even watch some more complicated tv. in fashion that is becomming typical for this chemo, today is significantly better, as evidenced by the fact i've been able to pay attention to this blog and the bike race this long; i also went to work to try to prepare for the week. that's a big deal, because i am a firm believer that cancer or not, there should be no "work" in "weekend".

so. i have to take a deep breath (not too deep through the nose, though, or else i'll lose more blood) and buckle up for the next five days or so. then i have a nice long plane ride and lots of food i cannot pronounce waiting for me.