say i'm tired or throw a party?
the past few weeks have flown by. kind of like those scenes in "snatch" where the american flies across the atlantic... hop in a car, board a plane, slam a drink, and wham! i'm in a strange back alley shop in london looking for a diamond or a dog who swallowed a squeaky toy or a guy missing a hand or some combination of all of the above.
driving home on 23 january, having had my lymph node needled and en route to a massage.
snowbird received close to 100" of snow beginning the day i arrived in utah through the following weekend. too bad i got a phone call that went something like "your cancer is back".
i was greeted by this sign upon my arrival back in philly late on 29 january. welcome home, how about some scans that will reveal your cancer has spread throughout your chest?
nothing better than a plate of deer park buffalo tenders and fish tacos the night before a day of scans. maybe it was what caused all that lighting up on the pet scan. maybe not.
at least we've been smiling... a lot.
tomorrow the final test before the fight begins... a bronchoscopy to try to determine what is infiltrating my right lung. apparently it has spread since the scan in early january and we need to know what it is. i don't get a happy, warm feeling from the fact it is spreading quickly or that my doctor also wants samples of the hilal lymph nodes that were lighting up on the scan. but i do still feel really strong and healthy, despite an annoying cough that hasn't gone away since my cold.
tuesday i once again step into the ring. the chemo monsters will take over, along with my new friend (i hope) avastin, and i will let them do their thing. they say the side effects won't be so bad but even if they are, i say, bring it on. i hate the feelings i have to go through but i hate the cancer more. i have a lot left to do and it can seriously cramp one's style.
part of me knows the gravity of the situation and is scared shitless. the other part of me knows that each day is another good one and i need to focus on the here and now. doing what needs to be done, because cancer world is the real world and vice versa. my life includes cancer right now but that isn't all.
it also includes movies that leave me speechless, pizza on the couch cheering for the creepy russian viggo, lazy mornings, heavenly crumb cake, mattresses on trucks, and wind blown sunglasses.
i cannot lose sight of the fact i am one of the luckiest ones out there, on the best and worst of my days. it is good to be loved and love back. by lots of family, friends, and even the occassional rotten one.
driving home on 23 january, having had my lymph node needled and en route to a massage.
snowbird received close to 100" of snow beginning the day i arrived in utah through the following weekend. too bad i got a phone call that went something like "your cancer is back".
i was greeted by this sign upon my arrival back in philly late on 29 january. welcome home, how about some scans that will reveal your cancer has spread throughout your chest?
nothing better than a plate of deer park buffalo tenders and fish tacos the night before a day of scans. maybe it was what caused all that lighting up on the pet scan. maybe not.
at least we've been smiling... a lot.
tomorrow the final test before the fight begins... a bronchoscopy to try to determine what is infiltrating my right lung. apparently it has spread since the scan in early january and we need to know what it is. i don't get a happy, warm feeling from the fact it is spreading quickly or that my doctor also wants samples of the hilal lymph nodes that were lighting up on the scan. but i do still feel really strong and healthy, despite an annoying cough that hasn't gone away since my cold.
tuesday i once again step into the ring. the chemo monsters will take over, along with my new friend (i hope) avastin, and i will let them do their thing. they say the side effects won't be so bad but even if they are, i say, bring it on. i hate the feelings i have to go through but i hate the cancer more. i have a lot left to do and it can seriously cramp one's style.
part of me knows the gravity of the situation and is scared shitless. the other part of me knows that each day is another good one and i need to focus on the here and now. doing what needs to be done, because cancer world is the real world and vice versa. my life includes cancer right now but that isn't all.
it also includes movies that leave me speechless, pizza on the couch cheering for the creepy russian viggo, lazy mornings, heavenly crumb cake, mattresses on trucks, and wind blown sunglasses.
i cannot lose sight of the fact i am one of the luckiest ones out there, on the best and worst of my days. it is good to be loved and love back. by lots of family, friends, and even the occassional rotten one.
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