doped up
why do graham crackers and ginger ale taste so damn good after anesthesia?
i'm not sure, but thank goodness for them!
the past two days have left me feeling a combination of hopeful and tired. much of the tiredness can be attributed to a concoction of drugs most people won't have the pleasure of enjoying in their lifetime, ranging from lydocaine and fentenyl to carboplatin and avastin. hours in the hospital result in a wild time warp - the day morphs from early to late fluidly and without notice. suddenly more than a year has transpired and you find yourself back in the chair, remarking upon the beautiful view of the philly skyline that 12 penn tower affords.
the hopefulness stems from the drugs and the people i have had the opportunity to interact with; caring nurses who prepped me for my bronchoscopy and watched me closely as my heartrate jumped around from slow to fast. doctors who encouraged me to keep going and keep doing a good job - doctors who didn't even know me and hadn't met me an hour earlier except by phone. a fellow lung cancer survivor who has been through more than me so far and is still kicking. some days are good ones and others are tougher but it is all about taking it one day at a time, being there for the ones we love, and taking vacations. she's only 37. my doctor, who i reminded needs to keep me alive and kicking so i can tell folks about this shitty disease and live my life to the fullest; i'll keep fighting as long as she keeps up her end of the bargain. i told her i trust her and i mean it when i say it; i am getting great care from an impeccable team. it is my disease and all its minutia that gives us all the run for our money. and my chemo nurse, all of them, but one in particular, looking back into my eyes saying all that is on my mind. this sucks, lizzy. but as long as we're here let's roll with it.
it has been a lot to handle and at times it has been overwhelming but i am left mostly feeling good. i am fighting again. i can't say i am glad to have to do it but i know i can and will do the best i can.
i'm not sure, but thank goodness for them!
the past two days have left me feeling a combination of hopeful and tired. much of the tiredness can be attributed to a concoction of drugs most people won't have the pleasure of enjoying in their lifetime, ranging from lydocaine and fentenyl to carboplatin and avastin. hours in the hospital result in a wild time warp - the day morphs from early to late fluidly and without notice. suddenly more than a year has transpired and you find yourself back in the chair, remarking upon the beautiful view of the philly skyline that 12 penn tower affords.
the hopefulness stems from the drugs and the people i have had the opportunity to interact with; caring nurses who prepped me for my bronchoscopy and watched me closely as my heartrate jumped around from slow to fast. doctors who encouraged me to keep going and keep doing a good job - doctors who didn't even know me and hadn't met me an hour earlier except by phone. a fellow lung cancer survivor who has been through more than me so far and is still kicking. some days are good ones and others are tougher but it is all about taking it one day at a time, being there for the ones we love, and taking vacations. she's only 37. my doctor, who i reminded needs to keep me alive and kicking so i can tell folks about this shitty disease and live my life to the fullest; i'll keep fighting as long as she keeps up her end of the bargain. i told her i trust her and i mean it when i say it; i am getting great care from an impeccable team. it is my disease and all its minutia that gives us all the run for our money. and my chemo nurse, all of them, but one in particular, looking back into my eyes saying all that is on my mind. this sucks, lizzy. but as long as we're here let's roll with it.
it has been a lot to handle and at times it has been overwhelming but i am left mostly feeling good. i am fighting again. i can't say i am glad to have to do it but i know i can and will do the best i can.
Comments
Happy Valentine's Day!
You are a brave and beautiful person. One day at a time...keep fighting.
Sincerely,
Laurie