this is what i see when i look at myself in the mirror:
-hair that is longer than it has been in more than a year, getting curly again, darker than it used to be.
-a face that is filling back out and not so thin and pale as it was a year ago. some freckles. big blue eyes.
-a skinny, yet powerful body. a big scar snaking around my right side. dark radiation tattoos that blend in like birthmarks.
-arms that are getting big again thanks to climbing.
-legs that finally fill my jeans out again.
-muscular calves that have powered me through countless runs and bike rides that never got skinny during my treatments.
i don't see someone who has cancer hiding in all corners of her chest. i don't see someone who is sick. i don't see someone who has a monster lurking, trying to take back the life i've fought so hard for.
it confounds me, it saddens me, it makes me angry, and i guess in some ways it gives me hope. i dont feel sick but the drugs will make me feel a little sick. i hope they do what they were designed for. somewhere, someone is working on how to fix me, how to fix all of us. i need to be here when the big ah-ha happens.
in other news, i read a time magazine poll in which 62% of Americans polled think fucking breast cancer is the most critical health problem facing women today. wake up, everyone, and step away from the boobs. lung cancer, yes, repeat after me, lung cancer will kill more women this year than breast cancer. it will kill more people this year than breast cancer, colon cancer, and prostate cancers combined. the cost of research per cancer death for breast cancer is $13,947. for lung cancer it is $1,708. i know statistics can be skewed and many don't apply to me, but when i read things like this i get really angry. i hate all cancer. none of it is acceptable. but discrepancies like this one need to go away.
-hair that is longer than it has been in more than a year, getting curly again, darker than it used to be.
-a face that is filling back out and not so thin and pale as it was a year ago. some freckles. big blue eyes.
-a skinny, yet powerful body. a big scar snaking around my right side. dark radiation tattoos that blend in like birthmarks.
-arms that are getting big again thanks to climbing.
-legs that finally fill my jeans out again.
-muscular calves that have powered me through countless runs and bike rides that never got skinny during my treatments.
i don't see someone who has cancer hiding in all corners of her chest. i don't see someone who is sick. i don't see someone who has a monster lurking, trying to take back the life i've fought so hard for.
it confounds me, it saddens me, it makes me angry, and i guess in some ways it gives me hope. i dont feel sick but the drugs will make me feel a little sick. i hope they do what they were designed for. somewhere, someone is working on how to fix me, how to fix all of us. i need to be here when the big ah-ha happens.
in other news, i read a time magazine poll in which 62% of Americans polled think fucking breast cancer is the most critical health problem facing women today. wake up, everyone, and step away from the boobs. lung cancer, yes, repeat after me, lung cancer will kill more women this year than breast cancer. it will kill more people this year than breast cancer, colon cancer, and prostate cancers combined. the cost of research per cancer death for breast cancer is $13,947. for lung cancer it is $1,708. i know statistics can be skewed and many don't apply to me, but when i read things like this i get really angry. i hate all cancer. none of it is acceptable. but discrepancies like this one need to go away.
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R.