i'll admit i've always loved the preparation for an upcoming exam. well, maybe not ALWAYS, as my grades and dropped classes in calc and o-chem exemplify, but usually. i still wish i had the reason to write an occasional term paper. research gave me the chance to delve into books and papers i wouldn't otherwise have taken a look at. sitting at the table re-hashing econ theories over endless servings of french press coffee wasn't so bad. and sometimes, most of the time, i got good results due to my studying.
this time, though, and all the subsequent times i hope i have ahead of me, there is no preparation. nothing i can do will make the outcome better or worse. it is out of my control. i have to march in for the scan tomorrow morning, feel the stab of the needle, the warmth of the iodine, and know there is nothing i did or did not do, nothing wrong or right, about how i have lived the past three months... the past twenty seven and three fourths years of my life. once it is over i can let go a bit. the hours leading up to it seem the hardest.
this time, though, and all the subsequent times i hope i have ahead of me, there is no preparation. nothing i can do will make the outcome better or worse. it is out of my control. i have to march in for the scan tomorrow morning, feel the stab of the needle, the warmth of the iodine, and know there is nothing i did or did not do, nothing wrong or right, about how i have lived the past three months... the past twenty seven and three fourths years of my life. once it is over i can let go a bit. the hours leading up to it seem the hardest.
Comments
Besides, you are prepared... you've lived well for the past three months. You've laughed often and you live. That is your homework.
R.
PL
Good luck today! Think possitive. You're strong.
diane