days late, dollars short

so here is the long overdue race report from the lung cancer 5K, held november 4 down on kelly drive in philadelphia. the entire dols clan braved the early morning wakeup call and showed typical unfailing support for the participants, namely jimnerd and liznerd, stupendous siblings and twenty-something extraordinaires. i have had many an opportunity to stab myself with a safety pin when gearing up for races. i find it particularly challenging to do so in colder temps, as i tend to lose feeling in the tips of my fingers, which are key in the safety pinning process. numb fingers make safety pins rather un-safe. jimnerd had not before had the honor of pinning a number on for a race; this was his innagural running event. too bad his slowpoke sister was going to be slowing him down for this one. he managed the number experience quite well and sped through the registration process like a pro.

we bumped into my medical oncologist and her family, also out showing their support for the family member who has done quite a bit of cancer fighting herself, albeit from a different angle than me. i'm prety psyched she spends her time doing it, though, she is a force to be reckoned with, what with her toxic drugs, up-front honesty paired with genuine concern, and a healthy dose of smiling (it is always good to see her smiling) thrown in. a year ago she was telling me about the event on my first day of chemo. i had made a promise to myself to be there a year later. i am so glad to have fufilled that promise. it is way better to be telling the story about it, rather than listening to it wishing i could have participated. i also saw my social worker, who has patiently given so much support to both me and my family in the past year. seeing these friendly faces outside the hospital was reaffirming. we all have a lot going on in our own separate worlds, but it is always good to have them overlap. especially when we aren't in penn tower talking about my health.

it was kind of cold at the start, but sunny, and a good sized crowd had come out for the morning. there were walkers and runners, serious and not-so-much, and lots of people just there to cheer. as the run took off jimnerd and i settled into a comfortable pace, even though he could have been running faster. our first mile was 9:27 or so. i knew we were on pace to beat my time from the 5K in may, so i was happy. it was a flat course and i was psyched i wouldn't have to be running too many hills. we talked a little bit while we ran but it gets hard for me, so we enjoyed the views of the river and oohed and aahed when the fast juior-high track kids sprinted past us on their way back to the finish.

we saw my nurse practicioner run past us the other way. i had my eye out for her, hoping i'd get to see her, finally both running at least at the same time. i still felt a pang of jealousy or competitiveness when she ran past, even though she was cheering for me. man, she's ahead of me. but wait! we were right at the turn-around. i thought i had a little more in me, so i think we picked up the pace a bit. wouldn't you know she was dropping the hammer, too. we finished behind her, but you know she would not have been able to live it down if i had caught her. with my half-lung it would have been spectacular. that's what next year is for, i guess.

following the race i ran into another patient i had met about half-way through my treatment in the spring. she is older than me, and was fighting her second go-round with lung cancer. it had come back after a number of years. i think of her every single day, but i hadn't been in touch at all. it was fabulous to see her with her family members, out walking part of the course. she was returning to work the next day; i know how important the little things are, the small nuances of every day life that are slowly won back over and make us feel so much better - about ourselves, about our health, and about our corner of the world. i hope her day meant as much to her as mine did to me. i'm sure it did. we are all making strides in our lives - i feel lucky to have run back into her that day and seen that smile again. we need to hear more stories about this, about lung cancer. they do exist. our lives are not over. thank goodness.

i proved to myself that i can go a little harder than i think i can. it was a huge help having jimnerd at my side and mom, dad, and nicole waiting at the finish. it was a moment in which i wasn't sure i could be more proud of myself. i tend to be hard on myself and very demanding. at times it can catch up with me, especially as i readjust to things after being sick. i still have a very vivid understanding and comprehension of how i used to feel and what i was capable of doing. now things have shifted a little bit - not a lot, but enough to make it hard to digest sometimes. it feels extraordinary to feel so proud of an accomplishment. i have had some moments lately that have made me appear to float on air. finishing that 5K in 28 minutes was one of them.

and just for the record, jimnerd could have done it in 22. seriously.