neither here nor there

when i stepped outside of the office to catch some fresh air and pick up the mail my senses were assaulted. the sun had broken through the clouds about an hour earlier, and the leaves lying on the driveway and grass had been baking for a while. they smelled fantastic - much like a pie in the oven, or a fresh batch of cookies. the smell reminds me of being little. we lived on a lake, on top of a hill. the front yard spread its way down toward the road, and for the life of me i swear it was an enormous expanse that went on forever. it probably wasn't really that big, but in my memory, there it is, and i recall huge piles of leaves raked high for my brother and i to jump in. we built forts in them, surrounded by the organic smell that to this day stuns me. i think autumn was really autumn then, day upon day of cold, crisp air and brilliant sunshine. it is easy to look back and make it seem glorious, but i really believe that it was.

in addition to the leaves, there are birds galore in the yard today. so far i have seen countless robins, sparrows, a blue jay, and even a downy woodpecker. the downy was a great find. i was walking down the driveway and heard him calling but just couldn't spot him. suddenly i stopped, looked right above my head, and there he was. surrounded by yellow leaves his red head was quite the sight to see. he just bobbled about on the tree trunk, poking around here and there for some snacks, singing away. the robins are a good sign, i think. they seemed to stick around last winter. i was spotting them at the feeders throughout the season. but if they are massing and flying about in big flocks, like the one i saw today, maybe we are in for a bit more winter than last year. that is the angle i am taking. a sparrow, donned in new plumage for the season has been hanging on my porch most of the day. i think he's my friend from the summer, because he just sits there and sings, facing into my office. he's a fat litle bird and can sing like a champ. i am tempted to put out a feeder for the winter but i think (a) i'd get little work done because i'd just be watching the birds and (b) the squirrel who's been burying his treasures next to my porch would do more damage to the seed supply than the birds.

i've been feeding pretty well myself of late. saturday evening brought me and rotten a tasty meal at homegrown in newark before taking in a showing of american gangster. the meal involved a couple of my favorite things: cheese and beer. i stopped short of ordering the chips to go along with my fancy grilled cheese (though i did give a good pause when prompted "chips or salad?") and instead ate some greens to top it off. american gangster also involved some green, namely lots of money, which frank lucas shared throughout harlem and his family, until he tipped off the cops by breaking his cardinal rule. don't show it off. so, folks, don't break your cardinal rules. unless you want to see your million dollar heroin business go down the tubes. all in all, a good movie, even though it could have used some more development in each of the main characters.

last night i joined rotten once again, this time along with zayne and ethan and friends, for dinner at the washington street alehouse in wilmington. my #9 wasn't skunked until i tasted zayne's, which was definitely skunked, but other than that and nachos all over the table the meal went swimmingly. i was awarded a free macaroon at the neighboring coffee shop, to go along with my decaf, and kept the kids happy by sharing dessert. free macaroons! oh the almondy goodness. we ended the night by catching bright eyes (and friends) and indulged (?) in some good, live music. well, it was definitely live. and some of it was good. the melancholy steel guitar driven songs were good but it wasn't the theme for the entire evening (melancholy, yes - good, no). following a strong rendition of tom petty's "walls" in the encore, things went straight to hell and we left feeling a little shell shocked and a little pissed that our ears were actually ringing after three hours or mainly quiet. all in all, it was a good evening with friends. let's do it again sometime.

++ on second review, following a car ride listening to recorded, studio bright eyes, i realize i must throw in an edit and say that most of the show was, indeed, good, perhaps very good at parts. the end could have stopped at the petty cover. that's all. go see bright eyes. go heckle some hipsters. good music, 85%. ++

i've been stuck in a bit of a time warp of late. i keep thinking i am 26 and i write 2006 as the date. something is clicking in my head because this time a year ago i was in the thick of it - and not really thinking of any dates or anything other than getting up and maybe going to work or getting some drugs or being in the fresh air. i suspect that it will wane as time goes on. it is fresh in my head and therefore on my mind because it was just a year ago. i am pretty sure i did a heck of a job sticking as closely as possible to my regular routine on the days i could manage it. these days i have these moments, sometimes late at night or randomly in the day, when i realize holy crap, i went through all that. really. it wasn't a dream.

which is, probably, why the images of junkies shooting up in "american gangster" made me pretty damn nauseous. effing needles. and please, don't pass me the green bean casserole at the thanksgiving table. i ate enough of that last year to last me forever and ever amen. mint ice cream and green bean casserole and ginger ale.

i'm going for a run.