wiser.stronger.calmer.tougher.
april fools day. another hash mark on the calendar. someone is playing tricks on my stomach today. not nice, not nice. 4.1 is always a day of reflection, of sorts. i've been doing so much of it lately, though, i'm not quite sure where to head. i find myself in one of the least expected places i could imagine as i head into another year. not that it is a surprise, anymore, though, pretty soon we will have a party and celebrate six months along the road. right now i have the rare opportuity to live life pared down to the most important tidbits - food, sleep, drink, family. small bits are all the new treatment seems to afford. i struggled yesterday. today, not so much. i am constantly reminded to take this for what it is worth. my body is always trying to tell me something. even when i was at my healthiest, i did not often listen. now i do. and today, it is saying, eat soup, nap. maybe fit in another walk. listening to my body and not doubting what it is telling me is an important lesson i'll take from this experience.
another lesson i will carry forever is to be happy despite the trials. it is a fierce battle sometimes. there are moments when being happy seems as though it is the last possibility for me. but when push comes to shove it makes getting through the rough spots much easier, even if i have to do my best to force it out. there is no lack of frustration out there in the big bad world, and when i am finished with this part of the journey i will be able to be more content than ever before. that's not to say i won't push myself and stretch my comfort levels. i'll just be more accepting to change and roll with the punches a bit better.
despite my cancer, i think i am in a pretty good place heading into a new year. my head is on somewhat straight and there is less cancer in me now than there was just two months ago. progress is good. i am really looking forward to making it through the next five weeks and learning the lessons - however tough - that will come with time. and then, finally, perhaps, a breath of fresh air, warm sun, and a tummy full of food. my wishes for this year are simple.
Comments
I thought of you yesterday as I walked my friend's dog. I prayed and asked God to give you comfort and strength. I did not know you struggled, but now I know why you were on my mind in such a strong way. God knows all things. All I have to do is listen, which I don't always do, but I am glad I was listening yesterday.
One day at a time, Laurie
think of you. you are a tough mofo.
respect.
fm
Remember there is a beach chair on the sand here in NMB waiting for you...I love you Liz! Kara
Remember their is a beach chair on the sand down here in NMB waiting for you to soak up some rays whenever you want to make the trek this way....I love you! Kara
-Becky
Happy Birthday...you are brand new.
What always struck me about the cancer patients I would meet when I was sick was how much we all smiled. Then I realized we were seeing each other because we were out, we were feeling good enough to be out. We were smiling because we were having good somewhat pain free days. In a world of pain and fear, something as small as no pain for an hour is a joy that I didn't appreciate before I faced this disease.
Living through cancer was a very shitty way for me to learn invaluable lessons. Don't sweat small stuff. Shut out the day to day dramatic din. A day without pain and sickness is a good one no matter what. It also taught me to listen to my body. Rest, eat, and get love when you need it.
Hang in there. Progress is good. Birthdays are progress.
Happy Birthday.
I'm sending tons of happy thoughts and positive energy your way. You're awesome and an inspiration to us all. You're making me look at my life in a different light and helping me distinguish the important from the not so much. Stay strong! Peter.