scrappy

i am fired up. i should be easing into bed, doing some writing and reading, and relaxing a bit before drifting off to dreamland. but instead, i have this energy i can't explain; it is a feeling any competitor would be familiar with. the second before the start of a big race... the foul line during a big game... being up to bat against a tough pitcher... staring down from the top of a tough-looking ski run...i love this feeling.

i played basketball in highschool and loved defense. more than anything i loved the challenge of being pitted against a tough opponent, knowing this wouldn't score any points for our team but it could help. stealing the ball or breaking up a play was fantastic. i don't think i was too afraid of throwing myself out there; at least, i don't remember being so. more than once i've been called scrappy. i think it is a huge compliment. it may not look pretty but it gives me a rush and gets the job done.

i cannot begin to describe how much i miss running or biking like i used to this time of year. when i think about the annual cushion peak adventure race my heart hurts. i love the nervous anxiety leading up to the beginning, not knowing what the race director has opted to throw at us this year. i love the taste of mud on my hydration pack and the half water - half gatorade mix that awaits me in each transition zone. as much as it hurts, and as much as i depend upon stinky to be the best partner out there, i love the competition. it brings out the best of my scrappiness. in part, i have a propensity to survive the suffering and both figuratively and literally (in the case of cushion peak, at least) see the sun come out on the other side. plus they promise me food at the finish and that helps keep me motivated, as usual.

and so, this must be why i am so ripe with my beloved competitve energy this evening; i am throwing down against the c funk once again tomorrow. it promises to make me feel my most miserable once again. i won't like it while i'm doing it, and trust me, a mud-laden bike bottle full of gatorade isn't going to make me smile. but i am a fighter. this isn't a new development. it was built into me at the factory. i live for this. so while i can't really jump up and go for a run to release the energy, i will use it to get through the coming weeks. when i get down, i'll think about how scrappy i am and grin and bear it and fight it tooth and nail. and believe me, my funk is the biggest foe i could find. do you blame me for being ready for the game?

either that or it was the march madness this evening...