ps - i strongly dislike you

dear BUT,

first of all, Big Ugly Tumor, you brainless, heartless, soulless, mutation ridden, opportuistic pile of useless cells, i do feel a bit of a need for thanking you. without you, and the pain you have illicited over the course of the past six months or so, i might not even know i have cancer. and that would put me in a place that is not as good as the one where i currently sit. yes, it is true, you are not the original. you settled into one of my lymph nodes and took over, becomming larger and larger until it became uncomfortable for me. at times i thought it might just be indisgestion. i am getting older and sometimes with that comes digestive trials. however, you persisted, and i had you checked out by a number of very smart, patient, courageous, and (too bad for you) aggressive doctors. i never would have raised a stink without you, and for that, you waste of cellular material, i say grassyass.

but, that is where i draw the line, and believe you me, i have a dislike, a distaste, a disenchantment with you that runs deeper than most other emotions i have ever felt. you have chosen to invade the wrong girl. even as i lay in bed, writhing with the chemo blahs, i thought of you and the pain i was finally wreaking in your world. you fought back, sending shooting pains right back at me, but i imagined them as your death throes. you suffered a great deal, and today i know you are not the juggernaut you once were. i am no longer a friendly environ in which to reside.

so, tomorrow, you will meet your final demise. you and your friends that started it all down there in the middle or lower lobe will take your last meager breaths in this world. some big non-latex gloved hands will reach right in and cut you out of my life. sure, some of your other no good amigos will still reside up there in the mediastinum. but you, you will be out of my life. you will not be afforded the last laugh, even though you picked a living space right smack in my right lung's vasculature and will most likely demand a costly (to me and my lung capacity) pneumonectomy. i will, because i will bounce back and wake up in a morphine induced dream world where i no longer feel like i have a knife twisting in my chest (or so i hope). and you will be gone, forced to live out the rest of your days on laboratory slides in the penn pathology department while i get to breathe the fresh air you so loved thanks to my passions.

and so, in closing, thank you for alerting me to this ridiculous disesase. that is all i appreciate from you, otherwise, i think you are pretty lousy and wish you good riddence on your way out.

don't let the door hit you.

smooches.

lizzy and the gorilla dog (grrrrrr)