hazy morning

it is an interesting looking morning outside my window. the sunlight is filtered through a light layer of fog, giving everything a somewhat dreamlike appearance. i know it must be warm out there; the weather folks are calling for a change sometime today - warm temps will give way to rain and cooler weather. the fog on the western horizon (with lots and lots of trees between me and it) is obscuring the layer of clouds over there, making it look much colder outside and making me wish we'd see some snow soon. i just LOVE snow and right now i could really use a nice, fresh, white blanket to cover everything up for a day or two.

there are a few chickadees playing around in a tree, no more than 5 feet outside my window - right now i envy their energy and franticness. things are plodding along a bit slower than usual as far as i'm concerned. no manic flittering from branch to ground to tree trunk to branch. my motion is much more measured and tentative. i've already eaten some oatmeal this morning (delicous hot, not so much cold, but i can't eat it fast enough to keep it hot) and drank some tea. now a bit of a rest and then maybe something exciting like a morning walk. sounds crazy, i know, but a walk can really take it out of me. i was thinking about running during chemo - i'll have to see how next week shapes up because it isn't going to happen this weekend! i need some more fuel.

it is so strange, how all of a sudden, i've been reduced down to something so simple. in a way, it is similar to being out backpacking - i spend a lot of time trying to look at the scenery, i have to be very careful where i put my feet, i'm exhausted at night (and many points during the day) and i look forward to food - so far the "no" list includes bread (toast) and pasta (whole wheat). bread?! i love bread! but now, if you showed up on my doorstep with a loaf of french bread or a baguette, i'd beat you like a pinata and hope ice cream would come out! the unfortunate thing is i can't seem to fill myself up enough to not be hungry, and i can't get going too quickly for very long. i get going and then have to hit the brakes.

no worries, though. i think today will be better than yesterday. maybe two scoops of ice cream instead of one!

smooches...