so THIS is what love is...

the days that pass now are filled with a whole lot of hope, as many smiles as i can muster, phone calls from family and friends, emails from friends of friends, and then, of course, naps. the confusion and questions really only start to pop up as i get more and more tired, and until i speak to an oncologist (scheduled for tuesday) i am steering clear of any internet research or reading about the cancer. i don't want to fill my constantly moving mind with potentially paralyzing prognises and create more confusion. right now it is cut and dry:

i have cancer and i have to get rid of it. i need at least another 26 years. hell, 56 would be great.

i used to say things like "i love the mountains" "i love to ski" "i love that cute george clooney" and it is true. i do. i love it all. i am so full of love for so many things and people that i am the luckiest kid in the world, even as i face this scary thing. because i have so many places to turn for love, laughter, and a swift kick in the butt - i will even need those along the way. so, help me out, i'm not sure how, quite yet, but i will ask when i need it and am open to surprises. keep me full of love.

smooches.